Two weathermen each broke an arm and a leg in an accident, and called from the hospital about the four casts.
—The King of Puns
I'm tired of all of these reality television shows, like Big Brother and Survivor. It seems like whenever I watch one, I C.B.S.
—Huzlinefan
I don't carrot you say. I still like Bugs Bunny's food.
—The Tim Guy
My hippy parents sheltered me when it came to watching television. They guarded me from seeing too much sax and violins.
—The Tim Guy
It is a well-known fact that Hamlet enjoyed watching Thomas the Tank Engine videos. Why, his most famous line was, "Toby or not Toby."
—SGT Snorkel
When the little blue locomotive arrived at the station, it was obvious he was very drunk. Everyone said, "Look, it's Thomas tanked on gin."
—SGT Snorkel
Q: Why shouldn't you go in the shower with a pokemon?
A: It will Pikachu.
—Dantheman
Despite the Bible saying it was Moses, I'm sure it was Popeye that went to Mount Olive.
—Chalky
Gotenks is more arrogant than me, and that's Saiyan something!
—matt
I developed a cartoon show about four turtles that come in contact with radioactive itching powder and decide to become crime fighters. I call it "Teenage Mutant Itching Turtles."
—SGT Snorkel
My Great Dane loves to solve crimes and swim underwater. I call him Scuba Doo.
—SGT Snorkel
The famous attorney hired a brick layer to build a wall around his property. The fellow became known as Perry's mason.
—SGT Snorkel
Popeye must have been Scandinavian. He called his baby Swede Pea.
—SGT Snorkel
I was watching a rerun of The Howdy Doody Show. A trained bovine made a mistake. Chief Thunderthud shouted, "Cow has bungled, Buffalo Bob."
—SGT Snorkel
The TV station intended to pre-recod the local goldfish eating contest but instead opted for a live feed.
—punjab
I can't believe my friend wanted me to watch that documentary about real estate agents. He knows I don't like realty shows.
—SGT Snorkel
The family of Fran's puppet friend always wore sheets. When they were asked why they replied, "We are Kukla's clan."\r\n
—SGT Snorkel
When the Japanese wrestler was insulted by the stooge he decided to sue Moe.
—SGT Snorkel
I believe there is too much sax and violins shown on TV.
—The Tim Guy
Because of all the lights, it is very hot up on the Oprah Winfrey stage during her show. That is why big fans are brought in to cool the place down. This is called the Fanning of the Oprah.
—The Tim Guy
Once while I was visiting Hollywood, a friend told me he could introduce me to Wally and Beaver's dad. I said, "Cut it out! Me, meet Cleaver?"
—SGT Snorkel
Palladin hated doing the dirty work himself. That is why his business card said, "Have goon, will travel."
—SGT Snorkel
At the Miss Universe Pageant, Miss Scotland was announced last. The announcer said, "And lass but not least."
—SGT Snorkel
I was watching TV Land last night and found out that Mr Ed was just a nickname. His real name was Horace.
—SGT Snorkel
Everyone says that celebrity deaths happen in threes, but this time it happened in Fife. Goodbye, Don, we'll miss you.
—SGT Snorkel
The Lone Ranger was diagnosed with cancer. Tonto said, "Are they going to start chemo, Sabe?"
—SGT Snorkel
After winning every match in the tennis tournament, Elmer Fudd was really tired. He went to bed and swept like a baby.
—SGT Snorkel
That political commercial didn't make any sense. Things didn't ad up.
—SGT Snorkel
What did Jed Clampett say when he converted to Islam? "Y'Allah come back now. Hear?"
—SGT Snorkel
Jay Leno signed his photo for me as he was driving his car, that auto graph was worth lots of money.
—elvis
TV networks let you see B.S.
—Al Strachan
Later on, Sister Bertrille became head of her convent and was forced to terminate some nonproductive workers. She became known as the Firing Nun.
—SGT Snorkel
Sheriff Taylor's son was staggering around in a daze. The doctor said that Aunt Bea had drugged his food. "It was definitely something Opie ate."
—SGT Snorkel
The little boy was disappointed when his Halloween bag was filled with oats. But then his mom reminded him that he had been shouting, "Trigger treats."
—SGT Snorkel
The Warner Brothers cartoon character was arrested. He is now known as Pokey Pig.
—SGT Snorkel
While taking a tour of the Sports Center Studio I noticed that Dan Patrick was not around. I asked the guide where he was. The guide said, "He is in the bathroom. He is peein'."
—SGT Snorkel
Clark Kent must have been a food reporter since he worked for the Deli Planet.
—SGT Snorkel
Actually, Archie Bunker's wife ruled the house with an iron fist. Her name was Edict.
—SGT Snorkel
Would a TV show about a small town sheriff in Peru be called The Andes Griffith Show?
—SGT Snorkel
When Bruce Wayne wants to get clean he goes to the bath cave.
—SGT Snorkel
Boris started eating a chocolate-and-whipped-cream dessert. Natasha said, "Stop, that is Bullwinkle's mousse."
—SGT Snorkel
Batman's crime fighting-partner could not swim, but he could float. He was known as Robin the Buoy Wonder.
—SGT Snorkel
Ralph Edwards walked up to the famous Viking explorer and said, "Mr. Erikson, this is your Lief!"
—SGT Snorkel
Roy Rogers must have been a lawyer. His theme song was "Happy Trials to You."
—SGT Snorkel
I was on "Wheel of Fortune" when Vanna turned the letters H-E-N. Of course, I had asked to buy a fowl.
—SGT Snorkel
I was watching a cable channel while I was shaving one evening. I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing so I cut myself. I got a nick at night.
—SGT Snorkel
It took the replay analyst a long time to cut his grass. He did it in slo-mow.
—SGT Snorkel
I am writing a script for an afternoon serial detailing the life, loves and interrelationships of some Campbells' employees. It is a soup opera. I am also doing one about wine tasters. It is a sip opera.
—SGT Snorkel
