There are no Jehovah's Witnesses in Hungary. They have Buddha pests instead.
—Rick Renner
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
—Joe Morris
The priest loved two sisters, but he could marry nun.
—Hezi Ismach
Did you hear about the Amish girl who was two men a night?
—Mr. G
By examining Christian-based adoption services in China, one can finally prove that the Catholic Church supports euthanasia.
—Christian Francis Michael Alsis
Moses was a basket case.
—Pat Monty
The pilot refused to help his church build a platform to set its nativity scene on. He hated creche landings.
—SGT Snorkel
My Quaker pal is a baker. I guess a Friend that kneads is a Friend indeed.
—SGT Snorkel
I was once swimming in a lake near Las Vegas. I started to drown but was saved by a Quaker. I guess a Friend in Meade is a Friend indeed.
—SGT Snorkel
My neighbor, a Quaker, is very poor. I guess a Friend in need is a Friend indeed.
—SGT Snorkel
Noah wanted one of his sons to be the cook on the ark, but all the boy knew how to make were Ham sandwiches.
—SGT Snorkel
When Noah had to fix the lion's cage, he used an Ark welder.
—SGT Snorkel
The deaf man converted to Catholicism. At his first confession he began, "Bless me, Father, for I have signed."
—SGT Snorkel
The fellow traveling in the Middle East had a religious awakening. I guess he Saudi light.
—SGT Snorkel
There are some who think that practicing yogurt or transcontinental medication brings some kind of spiritual healing.
—The Tim Guy
I attended a religious service conducted by Celtic priests. I did not have the words to adequately describe the ritual so I just Druid a picture.
—SGT Snorkel
When Moses saw the burning bush he was so surprised he shouted, "Yowee."
—SGT Snorkel
In the family of God, He is divine; we are de branch.
—Keith Green
A grocer was recently rebuked by a local church for putting inspirational messages on his grocery bags. He was accused of being sack-religious.
—punjab
Jesus did own a car! It was a Honda. He chose not to talk about it. He said, "I did not speak to you of my own Accord."
—Kip Gonzales
Religious experts have been flocking to my house to examine a cover I made for my soup serving dish. It is the shroud of tureen.
—SGT Snorkel
When the Wise Men were baking their bread, they realized something prophetic was occuring when they saw a star rising in the yeast.
—punjab
The Mennonite who had an amputation at the ankle was referred to as "foot-loose and fancy-free."
—punjab
John Paul began as a lift-operator in the Vatican. After many years he was elevated to Pope.
—punjab
My father is a Cannon in the church. does that make me a son of a gun?
—Chalky
Overheard in a Moslem household: "If Ayatollah once, Ayatollah a thousand times, no snacks before supper."
—SGT Snorkel
The innkeeper in Kerbala said, "Holy shiite, look at all the Muslims."
—SGT Snorkel
That bald-headed fellow in our church is expressing some very unusual opinions. Unfortunately, we can't accuse him of hair, I see.
—SGT Snorkel
When the Baptist punched out the Methodist, he was arrested for sectual assault.
—punjab
My minister must support polygamy. When I got married he told me I was supposed to marry four better, four worse. . . .
—SGT Snorkel
When the priest put on his half-priced alb, he made a good investment.
—punjab
The boat-building process got so complicated that Noah had to hire an Ark-i-tech.
—punjab
That delicatessen had a picture of a South American ruminant in its logo. Some Asian immigrants started worshiping it since it was the deli llama.
—SGT Snorkel
A Franciscan monk wrote a homily about his father's deviated septum. It was called "Pater's Nostril."
—punjab
The reformed arsonist began his confession with, "Bless me Father for I have singed."
—SGT Snorkel
The ferryman at the river Styx asked me if he could borrow a cup of sugar. I said, "Sure, I don't mind sharin'."
—SGT Snorkel
The rabbi did not need a driver's license. He had a Shofar.
—SGT Snorkel
When the nun played the piccolo, her fellow sisters said they enjoyed the trill of the chaste.
—punjab
Charles met a very religious woman who practiced martial arts. He asked her for a date, but she replied, "No, thanks. I'm a nun, Chuck."
—Chas37
The member of the church council violated one of the Ten Commandments. I guess he synod.
—SGT Snorkel
I once considered becoming a priest. With my looks I would be great giving the homely.
—SGT Snorkel
When King Herod's daughter made a mistake she said, "Oops, silly me."
—SGT Snorkel
King Herod must have really liked deli food. He named his daughter Salami.
—SGT Snorkel
Siddhartha went to a really bad play. He booed a lot.
—SGT Snorkel
On the sixth Sunday after Easter I went to the store to buy a writing instrument. I asked, "How much is the pen to cost?"
—SGT Snorkel
Joseph was the first secret agent in history. He possessed the code of many colors.
—SGT Snorkel
Joseph was actually a police officer who wore the same attire every time he made an arrest. It was the coat of many collars.
—SGT Snorkel
Give that Priest a break. He was just exorcising his rites.
—The Tim Guy
Paul of Tarsus travelled the country while he preached. Afterall, he was a Roamin' citizen.
—The Tim Guy
That member of the Latter Day Saints church beat me at weight lifting. I guess he's more man than I am.
—SGT Snorkel
I will only give ten percent to my church if the money goes to buying hair dye for the needy. As the old hymn says, "Blest Be the Tithes that Blonde."
—SGT Snorkel
At Christmas time, the prisoners in the king's dungeon got a higher grade of slop to eat. As the old saying says, "Peace on earth, good swill to men."
—SGT Snorkel
Whenever I have computer problems, I pray for guidance. In the New Testament one of His names is E-Manual.
—SGT Snorkel
That Islamic holy man claims he is sick, but I know he's a fakir.
—SGT Snorkel
My friend stays awake late every night to study his Bible. He is up to know good.
—SGT Snorkel
While he was preaching in Nineveh the prophet got bored so he decided to Jonah club.
—SGT Snorkel
Mary and Joseph said to the innkeeper, "Do you have someplace we can creche tonight?"
—SGT Snorkel
Noah didn't use any new concepts in ship building. The design he used was ark typical.
—SGT Snorkel
Creationists believe in Eve-olution.
—SGT Snorkel
I experienced a religious awakening on my second airplane ride. I guess I was borne again.
—SGT Snorkel
That fortune teller believes in a literal interpretation of the bible. I guess she's a fundamentalist.
—SGT Snorkel
The fundamentalist minister moonlighted as a cab driver. He was known for his fare and brimstone sermons.
—SGT Snorkel
How could Jesus have drank anything that Thursday night if he had a holey grail?
—SGT Snorkel
When I was in confession, I didn't go into detail about my transgressions. I just gave the priest an overview. I guess you could say I gave him a synopsis.
—SGT Snorkel
I started a distance learning course on the Bible. The first class covers Ephesians.
—SGT Snorkel
The minister's wife asked him if he had done any of the tasks on the honey do list she had given him. He said, "No, I haven't even started. I am pre-chore."
—SGT Snorkel
When the tailor took communion, he received altar rations.
—SGT Snorkel
Lots of people have sought any port in a storm. However, Moses is the only person who looked for any part in a stream.
—SGT Snorkel
Mary appreciated the first two gifts but objected to the third. She demurred.
—SGT Snorkel
My girlfriend dumped me during a Jewish commemorative feast. She left me a Seder but wiser man.
—SGT Snorkel
There are no candles in Heaven because they are all wicked.
—Paul JSvBFCM
I worship all of my cooking utensils. Does that make me a pantheist?
—SGT Snorkel
My friend worships violet colored flowers. He is a pansyist.
—SGT Snorkel
The only god my friend worships is the Greek god of the fields. How come people say he is a Pantheist?
—SGT Snorkel
Would Christ's manger have been the world's first Holy Day Inn?
—SGT Snorkel
A large whale kept tagging along behind Noah's boat. He became known as Noah's Orca.
—SGT Snorkel
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
—Robert Riehs
The prayer groups at the local synagogue wore clothes made of a very sleek material. They became known as the minyans of satin.
—SGT Snorkel
Last Sunday the minister based the text and sermon on the celebration of Purim. I realized it was Esther Sunday.
—SGT Snorkel
If the leader of one of the twelve tribes of Israel started doing bad things would that be a Dan of iniquity?
—SGT Snorkel
When the Antichrist tried to rule the world everyone laughed at him. It became known as the mock of the beast.
—SGT Snorkel
My friend in Tel Aviv converted to an Eastern religion. He became a Zion Buddhist.
—SGT Snorkel
The Biblical patriarch kept putting off starting his ark. Finally his wife said, "There's Noah time like the present."
—SGT Snorkel
I asked the shaman why he used incense and amulets to go along with the intoning of the tribe. He said that appealing to the gods was too important to be left to chants.
—SGT Snorkel
The religious man was good at imitating others. Monk he see, monk he do.
—SGT Snorkel
That religious woman is always coming to illogical conclusions. They are nun sequiturs.
—SGT Snorkel
The seminary offered a class on combating idolatry. It was called Icono Class.
—SGT Snorkel
Raising the Messiah must have been stressful. I guess that is why Catholics say, "Hail, Mary, full of grays."
—SGT Snorkel
I had to buy a new sweater to join the Catholic men's group. It is called the Knits of Columbus.
—SGT Snorkel
Adam and Eve had a lot of feasts. Life in the garden was nothing but Eden and drinking.
—SGT Snorkel
One morning Adam asked Eve what she was doing. She replied, "I am Eden breakfast."
—SGT Snorkel
I thought that the Bible said "...the last shall be first." At the church supper I found out that the last shall fast.
—SGT Snorkel
People waved palm branches at Jesus because they were very frondly.
—SGT Snorkel
Noah built a robot capable of enforcing drug laws. God looked at it and said, "I did NOT tell you to build a narc."
—SGT Snorkel
One morning Eve wore flowers instead of a fig leaf. She was the first woman to ever wear bloomers.
—SGT Snorkel
Would a Mormon working for the Postal Service be a Letter Day Saint?
—SGT Snorkel
Biblical scholars agree that the Manna the Hebrews ate was a type of pasta. That is where we get the saying, "Pennes from Heaven."
—SGT Snorkel
I think the Star of Bethlehem was a comet. That would explain the carol, "Oh, Halley Night." I realize that pun is bad but I did not planet that way. It probably mars my reputation.
—SGT Snorkel
I told my minister that I liked to climb trees by scooting up the trunk. He called me a shinner.
—SGT Snorkel
Eos is really sad. She is dawn in the dumps.
—SGT Snorkel
The ghost's favorite religious observance is Moanday Thursday.
—SGT Snorkel
The witches kept putting a curse on that English parson. It proves the old saying, "To the vicar goes the spells."
—SGT Snorkel
I don't know why biblical scholars spend so much time debating Revelation. Everyone knows that Mary's sister was the aunt o' Christ.
—SGT Snorkel
The young bovine really hated seeing the Prodigal Son return since he knew that he was the fated calf.
—SGT Snorkel
The unreformed arsonist found the Lord. He was a burn again Christian.
—SGT Snorkel
I will never be made a saint. I am so ugly, I could never be beautified.
—SGT Snorkel
If he is from Tibet, why do they call him the Delhi Lama?
—SGT Snorkel
Cotton farmers like the 23rd Psalm because of the verse that says, "I will fear no weevil."
—SGT Snorkel
That religious guy is a terrible cook. He always overcooks everything. He is a burn-again Christian.
—SGT Snorkel
The shepherds were the perfect group to spread the news of "Peace on earth, good wool to men."
—SGT Snorkel
That preacher is not good at keeping house. He is a messy dust minister.
—SGT Snorkel
Sometimes a curate is not a curate\r\nwhen assessing other people's behavior.
—Luis
