The end of the summer holiday casted Shadows on Cliff Richard.
—Was
Nelly changed the name of his most recent single before it came out from "2.7182812846 times the square root of -1"
—Joe Morris
After the bass player left the band, they were defunked.
—Bill Tasker
The underwater orchestra was breaming with musical ambition.
—Ben Maynard
My violin playing is not all that great; I just fiddle around.
—Josh Tay
The band's name was The Bananas—The Band with a Peal.
—Biffster
When the Beatles broke up, it was admittedly a George-ment call. Soon everyone was A-Pauled as the band's future went down the John. Their Starr power was never the same.
—Scott R.
As most people know, I have been in a wheelchair for 40 years. One day we were talking bout those little radios with ear-phones that are so popular among joggers. "I had one once," I said, "but I had to get rid of it since I can't Walkman."
—Donald Frazier
Four tuba-playing carpenters decided to play together. They named their band "The Tuba-Fours."
—DJ
A young musician joined the band on an ocean liner, but was having trouble keeping up with the rest of the band. The captain said, "Learn to keep in time, or I'll throw you over-board."
—Sometimes you just have to sync or swim.
—Donald Frazier
A classical guitarist friend was attempting to transcribe "The Three Cornered Hat" for solo guitar.
"Very difficult" he said.
"Of course," I replied. "It's by Emmanuel de Falla."
—Thomas C. Boehm
Sign over the fax machine in the music department: "If it ain't Baroque, don't fax it."
—Stephen Goodman
A famous guitarist got into an automobile accident. Fortunately, it was just a Fender bender.
—Sally Carreras
The tidy church musician was very organ-ized.
—SGT Snorkel
The guys from The Prodigy were dining out. Since they weren't very hungry and were low on cash, they only had "half a starter!"
—Funky Munky
The singer refused to get married until the bride's family gave him cash. He kept saying, "Dowry me."
—SGT Snorkel
The all-female rock band, whose music can be heard on the internet, call themselves the Broad Band.
—The Tim Guy
Lynn Swanson was a really bad violin player. She's called Vile Lynn in most classical circles.
—The Tim Guy
The musician went to the sale at the communications outlet store. He came home with sacks of phones.
—SGT Snorkel
That musician was always cheating at cards. He never played accordion to Hoyles.
—SGT Snorkel
Before sending him to the store, the maestro's wife wrote out a Chopin Liszt.
—SGT Snorkel
When I realized I would never make it as a singer I got a job unloading fishing boats. I was fired from there, too. I just couldn't carry a tuna.
—SGT Snorkel
The soloist at the synagogue wrote a book of creepy short stories set in a cemetery. He called it, The Cantor's Bury Tales.
—SGT Snorkel
To make room in my attic I stashed some of my '60s folk albums in the hollows of some trees. It was a great way to fill oaks.
—SGT Snorkel
I saw a television show about a card game played by a bunch of old folk singers. I especially enjoyed watching Bob dealin'.
—SGT Snorkel
At the opera last night, I got sick to my stomach. I think it was because of something Aida.
—SGT Snorkel
The trumpet player was fired for making too many mistakes. As a matter of fact, he would blow it every time.
—The Tim Guy
When asked if he wanted to attend concert featuring Viennese waltzes, he replied, "I'd like to, but I'm all Straussed out."
—Punjab
If you throw a piano down a mine shaft, I'll show you A-flat Minor.
—JMLINKC
When singer Don forgot the words to the song, it became a Ho hum effort.
—punjab
The orchestra attempted to play The Messiah, but just couldn't get a Handel on it.
—punjab
The choir director told me I wasn't good enough to sing in his group. I thought he was way off bass. Of chorus, he has directed choirs for tenor twelve years and had heard alto many singers like me.
—SGT Snorkel
The curator at the famous composer's wax museum was a very nice guy. He would give you the shirt off his Bach.
—SGT Snorkel
One of the famous composers had a lot of foster children. They weren't very smart, though. In fact, you could say they were Bach wards.
—SGT Snorkel
The composer decided to try out for the basketball team. He led the league in scoring.
—SGT Snorkel
I almost got kicked out of music class. I was a treble maker. I crammed for the final exam by reading "Clef's Notes."
—SGT Snorkel
I once sang in the choir in the Catholic Church, but my voice was terrible. The priest called it a weapon of Mass destruction.
—SGT Snorkel
I was thrown out of the brass section of my local band. Although I consider myself the best, they said couldn't stand me blowing my own trumpet all the time.
—Chalky
The Rolling Stones are pretty rockin'!
—Mr. Punny
That Country Music star is so heavy that he should be called Girth Brooks.
—SGT Snorkel
When I took over the singing lessons at my local school, I handed each of the students a piece of paper. I wanted to see who could hold a note.
—Chalky
Craig David has been helping the British archery team. He is their "Bo Selecta."
—Chalky
The late instrumentalist Tiny Tim was referred to as the Grand Dork of Uke.
—punjab
It's okay to follow Johann Sebastian and Philipp Emanuel, but sometimes you have to think outside the Bachs.
—punjab
There is a Status Quo album in the bargain bucket of Woolworths selling for a pound. Does that make it a quid pro quo?
—Chalky
I think The Beatles splitting was a four-gone conclusion.
—Chalky
I once played in a musical group in New England. We were pretty awful. We were band in Boston.
—SGT Snorkel
The concert Basso went deep C fishing.
—punjab
I didn't realize it, but Franz walked with a Liszt.
—punjab
The folks at the nursing home have apparently taken to the modern day music of their grandchildren. Their favorite song is "Rock of Ageds."
—punjab
The musical tastes of the Mexican people are changing, as witnessed by the upcoming celebration of the Fiesta del soul.
—punjab
They say you can't take it with you, but I read in this morning's paper that there was Cash in heaven. Goodbye, Johnny, we will miss you.
—SGT Snorkel
The concert pianist got hay fever every time he played the Pollenaise.
—punjab
What did the music of the Rolling stones became in a certain nation when it was outlawed?
A:The greatest rock and roll banned.\r\n\r\n
—Howard Lee
Woody Guthrie was the first person to sing about computer networks. "This LAN is your LAN, This LAN is my LAN..."
—SGT Snorkel
A new group as formed between the Dooby Brothers and one of the cartoon dogs. The group is called Scooby Dooby Brothers.
—The Tim Guy
I brushed right by Mick Jagger in the men's room at a concert one night. I can't believe I passed a stone in the restroom.
—The Tim Guy
Would a song about a Russian transportation worker be called, "Ivan Working on the Railroad?"
—SGT Snorkel
My wife's piano must have morals because it is upright.
—The Tim Guy
Tina loves to listen to classical music while enjoying her sauna. She is known as Sauna Tina.
—The Tim Guy
The late Barry White would have said about this website: write on, write on.
—The Tim Guy
Favorite Country Western song in Hades? "Satan Sheets."
—SGT Snorkel
Julius Caesar thought Brutus should practice on the piano, so he said, "Etude, Brute."
—SGT Snorkel
The inventor of the telegraph was also very good at writing music, especially the endings. Everyone talks about Morse Coda.
—SGT Snorkel
I don't think the shepherds near Bethlehem were all that excited. Remember the Christmas song, "The First 'Oh,Well.'"
—SGT Snorkel
When asked what his family name was, George's lyrical brother replied, "I are a Gershwin."
—SGT Snorkel
Choir and band directors are very ethical. They have a strict coda conduct.
—SGT Snorkel
I once had a girlfriend who was worried about the future. I said, "Don't worry, whatever will be, will be. Okay, Sarah?"
—SGT Snorkel
Around Christmas time the Mexican Chihuahua was infested with tiny, parasitic insects. His son started singing, "Fleas Invade Dad."
—SGT Snorkel
Tony Bennett did not check his room before he left the Bay Area hotel. He left his hat in San Francisco. But that isn't as bad as the orchestra member who left his harp in San Francisco. Or the owl who left his hoot in San Francisco.
—SGT Snorkel
What did Roy Rogers sing when he released his pet duck? "Happy trails to you, teal we meet again..."
—SGT Snorkel
Q: What is the favorite country song of the Japanese chef turned big game hunter?
A: "I Wok the Lion."
—SGT Snorkel
A new gay rock band has emerged. They only play songs made popular by The Rolling Stones. Sadly, they are not as famous. They call themselves "The Fruity Pebbles."
—"Paco, Yo!"
The chess player told me that his favorite hymn was "Rook of Ages."
—SGT Snorkel
The banjo picker was trying to get into a jam session. He was looking for any part in a strum.
—SGT Snorkel
Some of the shepherds just wanted to sleep that night. Hence the carol, "Heck, the Herald Angels Sing."
—SGT Snorkel
I was in a pawn shop in Nashville during the Christmas season. A lot of the instruments looked like they hadn't been touched in quite some time. The loud speaker was playing, "Oh Dusty Old Fiddles."
—SGT Snorkel
When the Scottish boy joined a motorcycle gang, he started singing "Bairn to be Wild."
—SGT Snorkel
I made a CD that contains nothing but soda advertising jingles. I love pop music.
—SGT Snorkel
I asked the brewer what the secret to happiness was. He started singing, "The beer necessities, the simple beer necessities..."
—SGT Snorkel
Q: What is a Jedi Knight's favorite Christmas Carol?
A: "The Force Noel."
—SGT Snorkel
Q: Which group sang "Good Detentions"?
A: The Impeach Boys
—pats
For the upcoming February 14, 2008, let's sing together: My Punny Valentine.
—pats
My dream is to give music lessons to the Minnesota hockey team. I'd like to teach the Wild to sing in perfect harmony.
—SGT Snorkel
The cigarette smoker always listened to his favorite Rap artist on his smoke breaks. He was a Tupac a day man.
—SGT Snorkel
Johnny Cash must have been worried about people breaking into his liquor cabinet when he sang, "I Lock the Wine."
—SGT Snorkel
If you want to keep your cool at a rock concert sit next to a fan.
—Puddles - Huddles
A friend of mine has recently become interested in music dating from 1600 to 1750. I told her she was "going for baroque". She looked at me with a puzzled expression so I said "I guess before that you couldn't find the Handel.
—Brad McInnes
I think that the music they play on New Year's Eve is awfully slow. I guess that is why they call it "Old Long Song."
—SGT Snorkel
I wanted to be a clarinetist but I couldn't reed music.
—SGT Snorkel
On the first day of Christmas I gave my true love a scraggly, woody plant and a bird. She was not happy. She did not want a partridge in a poor tree.
—SGT Snorkel
My last gift to my true love was on the fourth day of Christmas. She did not survive the four killing birds.
—SGT Snorkel
During this time of year I always dress in drag. Like the Christmas song says, "...Tis the season to be Julie."
—SGT Snorkel
When planning your herb garden, always remember that certain plants make other plants ripen too quickly. As the old song says, Parsleys age Rosemary and Thyme.
—SGT Snorkel
Eating too much of a certain seasoning made my friends turn prematurely gray. Parsley aged Rosemary and Tom.
—SGT Snorkel
What was the forest ranger's favorite song? "Yew Are So Beautiful."
—SGT Snorkel
Woody Guthrie co-signed a loan for his son. When he was done he sang, "This loan is your loan, this loan is my loan..."
—SGT Snorkel
Woody Guthrie was mad at a road hog, so he sang, "That lane is your lane, this lane is my lane..."
—SGT Snorkel
The Virgin Mary must have been obese. There is a hymn called "Heavy Maria."
—SGT Snorkel
That singer from Oklahoma is good but not great. Everyone says he is okay from Muskogee.
—SGT Snorkel
Q: What is it called when clothes with classical music designs on them have to be washed?
A: A laundry Lizst.
—emily soifer
My dad once bought me a BB gun, hoping I would put out my eye. He remembered the old hymn, "Blest Be the Toys That Blind."
—SGT Snorkel
I hear tell that Whitney & Bobby want to get back together, but I don't think they should duet!
—juliejulz
Q: What would you call a very flexible group of musicians?
A: A rubber band!
—David R. Yale from BestPuns.com
I want to visit the famous animal park in northwest Iowa. It's the one they sing about in the song, "Sioux City Zoo."
—SGT Snorkel
Every December you can hear the politicians singing, "Hear we come a waffling among the boughs so green..."
—SGT Snorkel
The Tin Man's least favorite Christmas carol was, "God Rust Ye Merry Gentlemen."
—SGT Snorkel
I am mesmerized by the cadence of hip hop. No wonder they call it rapt music.
—SGT Snorkel
