Q: How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A: Three—his left ear, his right ear, and his wild front ear.
—Quackers
Upon removal of his boots at Waterloo, Napoleon could smell defeat.
—Mr. G.
There was one Italian father who wanted to show his support for the American Revolutionary War. So he decided to send his cowardly son to capture a man known to be sympathetic to England. His son promptly replied, "What? Me chicken catch a Tory?"
—Clinton Earl Rogers III
The British wanted to draw and quarter George Washington. Ironically, the Americans drew him on a quarter. . .
—Sally Carreras
Q: Why were the Northern soldiers cold in the winter?
A: They all wore Union suits.
—Sally Carreras
Have you heard about the prosperous Northern manufacturer who cut his Confederate son and family out of his will? This guy knew how to handle a seceding heir line.
—Sally Carreras
I once had some artifacts that belonged to a former Soviet leader, but the police arrested me for possessing Stalin merchandise.
—SGT Snorkel
If you shoot craps with Wilhelm II are you making a Kaiser roll?
—Punjab
The Spanish Navy once experimented with refining grain on board ship while it was in transit from the New World to Europe. It was too inefficient. They couldn't get enough mills per galleon.
—SGT Snorkel
On his 39th birthday Dave Crockett left the Alamo. He had heard that life begins at Fort E.
—Chalky
Napolean was never the same after he got poked in the ribs really hard. "Able was I ere I saw elbow."
—SGT Snorkel
Young George Washington's apology: "I'm sorry I axed."
—punjab
George Washington had to make an important decision on how to cross the Delaware. I hear it was Row vs. Wade.
—Richard
The reason King Arthur always looked so tired was that he was running the Knight shift.
—punjab
It's a little known fact that computers date back to the earliest times. As you know, Eve took the first byte. And wouldn't you know, it was an Apple.
—punjab
Elizabeth I was looked down upon because her royal coach was only a Tudor.
—punjab
Ernst Rommel's favorite song: "Tanks for the memories."
—punjab
World traveler Marco Polo never went through Russia. Too many Steppes.
—punjab
Ivan IV's son Manny tried to be a good Russian ruler, but he was just a hack czar.
—punjab
If an Egyptian has a car with a bad horn, would it make a toot uncommon?
—Richard Keller
The spirited debate among the Roman Senators soon led to a toga war.
—punjab
Mother of Greek dramatist-to-be: "Euripides and I'm not buying you another pair."
—punjab
British general Bernard Montgomery, an outspoken critic of the U.S. Marine Corp., was very proud of his unusual feline pet. Imagine his dismay when he discovered his furniture was damaged by the claws of Monty's puma.
—punjab
Ivan the Terrible wasn't totally bad. He was just mid-evil.
—punjab
Famous words from Solomon: "I want to halve your baby."
—punjab
The Chinese dogcatcher was severely bitten in the course of the Boxer rebellion.
—punjab
The Scandinavian exployer's explanation to the natives prompted the question, "What is the meaning of Leif?"
—punjab
The Persian king was suffering from a cold when he was insulted by one of his former allies. He got mad and shouted, "This Medes war!"
—SGT Snorkel
Abe Lincoln was talking about a bad baseball team when he said that the four scores were seven years ago.
—SGT Snorkel
The Viking returned from the raid with sheaves of wheat and some stolen goods. His chief looked at him and said, "The term IS NOT reap and pillage."
—SGT Snorkel
Genghis Khan's soldiers loved to hold picnics. It turns out that their favorite food was Tatar salad.
—SGT Snorkel
Terrorism has been around for a long time. Even the Old Testament talks about the bomb of Gilead.
—SGT Snorkel
Some say the world will end in fire, some say it will end in ice. FDR believed the former. In his first inaugural address he said, "We have nothing to fear but fire itself."
—SGT Snorkel
The mother of the famous Mongolian leader used to read him The Little Engine That Could. He liked the part about "I think I Khan, I think I Khan...."
—SGT Snorkel
The naval museum had a room full of models of famous carriers, battleships, cruisers, etc. I was very reverential there because it was a place of warships.
—SGT Snorkel
Even as the Titanic started tilting into the water, some of the passengers swore it would never sink. These were famous list words.
—SGT Snorkel
The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
—Yaeli
Q:Where did pre-historic farmers keep their chickens?
A: In cavies.
—SGT Snorkel
I got good "Marx" on my history test.
—Clint Gillespie
When Socrates needed food he went to the grocery stoa.
—SGT Snorkel
When Caesar entered the Senate all hail broke loose.
—SGT Snorkel
The owner of the general store was a just man, but the blacksmith was farrier.
—SGT Snorkel
When the knight logged onto his computer he saw a message that said, "You got mail." It was a chain letter.
—SGT Snorkel
Would a bugler in the Confederate Army be a rebel rouser?
—SGT Snorkel
When the King asked for a joke, the fool just shrugged. He was the court gesture.
—SGT Snorkel
That outlaw was always getting slapped. His name was Billy the Cad.
—SGT Snorkel
Q: Why do they call it a Napoleon cannon?
A: If you stand in front of it you will be Blownapart.
—Joshua campbell
Benjamin Franklin must have worked for BP. He said, "Oily to bed and oily to rise..."
—SGT Snorkel
Business is flying at the museum. They added a new wing.
—Gina Lomas
The Civil War General arrived home at three one afternoon. His wife said, "You're home Early."
—SGT Snorkel
Harry Truman wanted people to bring him beer when he said, "The bock stops here."
—SGT Snorkel
