I was enjoying a hike in early November when I began to notice an abundance of paper trash. I immediately realized that I was on the campaign trail.
—Edward Evangelidi
I was asked to decide between two knots. In the end, I decided not too.
—JC Walpole
A friend asked me if I was going to take a break from mountain climbing. I said, "No, I like it too much to Everest."
—SGT Snorkel
Last night, while chopping firewood, I accidentally hit my foot with the ax. I let out a great hewin' cry.
—SGT Snorkel
Heroes: What a guy with a pair of oars does.
—Joseph Leff
The army's environmental policy prohibits chopping down trees in training areas. The policy is known as "Don't ax, don't fell."
—SGT Snorkel
I had to split up with my last girlfriend because she like making love under canvas. The relationship was two in tents.
—Chalky
My wife got mad when we camped near a gray barked nut bearing tree. I don't know why. She said she wanted to vacation at the beech.
—SGT Snorkel
When my friend and I got lost in the woods he pulled an ear ornament out of his pocket. On the inside was stamped "Made in China." We found our way immediately. I wish I had paid more attention when the scoutmaster taught orient earring.
—SGT Snorkel
The outdoorsman's girl friend refused to go camping with him because she suspected that he had bad in-tent-ions.
—punjab
There was a guy named Artie who was the best eel fisherman around. He had a special homemade lure that could not be beat. A company decided to manufacture his lure. They immediately had a name for the lure: the Artie fish eel lure.
—C. Rogers
The snowstorm arrived at a fortuitous moment. It was white on time.
—SGT Snorkel
The bike couldn't stand up on it's own because it was too tired.
—Predator
That fish took the fake bait hook line and sinker.
—The Tim Guy
The helicopter will fly just inches above the ocean waves come Hiller highwater.
—The Tim Guy
I have 17 trees in my yard and am getting sycamore trees.
—The Tim Guy
I told my agronomist friend that my compost pile had been in my back yard for quite some time. He said that it looked like it was a decayed old.
—SGT Snorkel
I was sure surprised when that wave hit me while I was on the beach. I didn't sea it coming.
—SGT Snorkel
When I got to the beach I plunged headlong into the water. A fellow asked me why I did not ease into the water. I said, "I'm excited and I can't wade."
—SGT Snorkel
I went fishing yesterday but didn't catch anything. Fish prefer cold food, but my bait was a little worm.
—SGT Snorkel
Do climbers climbing the highest mountain ever rest?
—Mb
I was glad that it started raining while I was riding my horse. I like bridle showers.
—SGT Snorkel
Since you are always supposed to pack a reserve, is that why they are called pair of chutes?
—SGT Snorkel
The prospector that was searching for mercury ore had to leave his campsite in a hurry. He cinnabar.
—SGT Snorkel
Everyone was surprised when the underwater craft surfaced. It was a sub rosa operation.
—SGT Snorkel
The fisherman was so upset when someone else was in his favorite spot that he started hitting the fellow with his gear. It was a classic case of rod rage.
—SGT Snorkel
The fraternity members liked to spend their weekends outdoors. They were Phi Beta campers.
—SGT Snorkel
When I fell overboard I didn't drown but I did get drunk. I had gone to Davy Jones' liquor.
—SGT Snorkel
The Religious Right wants to ban drinking alcohol at the seashore. That surprises me. I thought they would be opposed to topeless beaches.
—SGT Snorkel
This year I am going to vacation in a junkyard. I need some rust and relaxation.
—SGT Snorkel
When a tree goes on holiday, it packs its trunk and leaves.
—Punned It
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank. This proves once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
—Punned It
I was trying to plant irises and tulips in my garden but the bulbs kept slipping out of my hand. It was a clear case of budder fingers.
—SGT Snorkel
The two Eskimos were standing outside their igloos discussing global warming. One of them said, "We're domed."
—SGT Snorkel
As I searched unsuccessfully for small shrubs on the southern coast of Spain, I found myself enjoying thinking of different examples of word-play in my head in a combination of English and grammatically incorrect Spanish. Para no mastic -- phrases!
—PunMaster Scott
