Home > Submitted Puns > Food

• Q: What do you call a butterfly on a diet?
  A: A margarine-fly!
  —Julianne Danielle Brenner
  

• Somebody call the cops. My food is being assalted.
  —Clark Graham
  

• I asked one of the locals if the meats at La Carnicería were fresh. He replied, "Come in and sí for yourself!"
  —Jabberwacky
  

• Q: How do you make gold soup?
  A: Just use twenty-four carrots.
  —PigGurl
  

• Let us go to the salad bar!
  —Joe Arico
  

• I ordered extra cheddar on my broccoli-stuffed potato. When it arrived I could hardly see the florets for the cheese.
  —Wick
  

• When attempting to eat on a ship in high seas, one must continually be on the look-out for condimental drift.
  —Wick
  

• Choose cheese very caerphilly.
  —Bazza
  

• "How much of the pimento loaf do you want me to slice?"
  "Olive it."
  —Justin Walsh
  

• Q: Did you hear the joke about 288 eggs?
  A: I can't say it. It's two gross.
  —Jason Siegel
  

• I fell in a vat of gum at work, then my boss chewed me out.
  —Trent Cutler
  

• One cannibal says to another cannibal. . . "I would never eat a Celtic inhabitant of Scotland. . . I mean, who needs Gaelic breath ?"
  —Chunky Cheese
  

• The gentleman enjoyed his roast duck dinner at the restaurant. He was, however, alarmed when presented with the bill.
  —Potatohead
  

• A man and his children were carefully pondering the selection at a pasta buffet. Aware of the line gathering behind them, the chef was finally forced to ask, "A penne for your tots?"
  —Eproxy
  

• Cod-Liver is proud to be the a fish oil sponsor of today's race.
  —Gary Jones
  

• Q: Why did the jellybean go to school?
  A: He wanted to become a Smartie.
  —Emily Jones
  

• Q: How much do pirates pay for corn?
  A: A buck an ear.
  —Jan Unwin
  

• Two mushrooms walked into a bar. The bartender looked at them and said "We don't serve your kind in here." The mushrooms looked at him indignantly, and said "Why? We're a couple of fungis."
  —Katie Radigan
  

• Man: I'd like a cheeseburger, please.
  Cashier: Do you like hip-hop?
  Man: Why?
  Cashier: Your burger comes with a rapper.
  —Alex Ng
  

• When it's hot out, drink out of sunglasses.
  —Alex Ng
  

• Person 1: Did you hear about the vegetable that stalked?
  Person 2: Oh, that's corny.
  —Alex Ng
  

• If we mustard up enough speed, we might ketchup with them at the mayo clinic and truly relish the moment. . . .
  —Psi C. O.
  

• I was walking yesterday and found a box of plastic food wrap. It was an example of Saran-dipity.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• The mischievous onion liked to M.C. at parties. Everyone knew that he was a rapscallion.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• Have you ever rubbed two eggs together? I did that once, and I was eggstatic!
  —Mieczyslaw Daniel Dyba
  

• Last night, I had fish for the halibut.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• Frankly, these hotdogs are delicious!
  —Dangcoolkid
  

• The orchard worker would only pick shy fruit. He was a chary picker.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I salute the Hershey's employees who make a certain Reese's candy. Blessed are the piece makers.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• The cheese I bought at the grocery store was spoiled. It was no gouda. Plus, it didn't feta in the cheese box.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I asked my boy what kind of vegetable he wanted for supper. He said he didn't carrot all.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• When I realized I was addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers, I decided to quit cold turkey.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I use some of my woodworking tools for processing food. I am making lathe potato chips.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I've seen some really awful truffles in my day. Nobody knows the truffles I've seen.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• The Potato people in Potatoville had their annual olympic games. The crowd was so massive that when the camera zoomed out to capture the entire crowd, each person only resembled a speck tater.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• Something fishy is going on in my pea sea. Could someone please hook me up with a good scalesman so I could get a new one?
  —Mark007
  

• When the groom was hit in the face with a piece of his wedding cake, it brought a tier to his eye.
  —punjab
  

• I visited my neighbor hoping to bum some food, but all he did was tell me stories. That's okay. As the old saying goes, "A myth is as good as a meal."
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• The ship's captain wanted to know what kind of load to take on. I suggested caviar. As the song says, "Roe, roe, roe your boat."
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• My Jewish friend asked if the meat I was serving was pork. I said, "No, it's cow, sure."
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I saw a Chinese barbecue during my wok in the park.
  —it dont matter
  

• This grain of corn wanted a military career, but was undecided between Annapolis and West Point. He finally made up his mind, attended West Point, and became a kernel in the Army.
  —Bill Sturdivant
  

• While talking to my friend about vegetarianism, he told me he didn't like vegetables. I replied by saying, "If you start to eat more vegetables, they might start to grow on you."
  —Julio Anna
  

• Q: What was left over after the cheese factory exploded?
  A: Only de brie.
  —Gordon Hansen
  

• When King Wenceslas looked out onto the Feast of Steven, everyone was eating pizza‚Äîdeep pan, crisp and even.
  —Chalky
  

• When asked why he lost the pastry bake-off, the chef replied, "Too many turnovers."
  —punjab
  

• The National Bean-Eating Contest soon become a blow-out.
  —punjab
  

• Then there's the guy who liked Chinese food so much that he bought a Won-Ton truck.
  —punjab
  

• I cooked some soup for the wife yesterday. She said it tasted funny. I said "That'll be the laughting stock!"
  —Chalky
  

• If you went to your friend Monty's house to see how much vegetable shortening he had, you'd be doing "the count of Monty's Crisco."
  —Justin
  

• The two girls were having trouble getting people to sign up for their club, so they put out a bowl of candy hoping to sucker a few people in.
  —Clifford Huxtable
  

• Let there be peas on earth, and lettuce begin with me!
  —Michaela
  

• When I do shishkabobs on the grill I always have trouble getting the food in the right order. It is difficult making both ends meat.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• When I opened the fridge, a lemon fell out. Here is the following conversation:
  "Hey Josh...I guess you call that a lemon drop."
  "Shutup, Jake."
  "That was a pretty sour attempt at humor, huh?"
  —Jake
  

• The appetizer guru had good hors' sense.
  —punjab
  

• While I was onboard the underwater boat I ate a green citrus fruit. The taste was awe inspiring. It was sub lime.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I developed a frozen desert flavored like evergreens. It is great. You can't beat pine ice cream.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I'm plum out of fruit.
  —Phsyco
  

• The salad chef had plenty of ginger, due to his high basil metabolism. But when I told he had thyme on his hands, he launched a herbal assault.
  —punjab
  

• Q: Why do people sometimes consume large quantities of chili, well knowing the potential consequences?
  A: Simple. The yen justifies the beans.
  —punjab
  

• The bakery was broke after they lost all their dough.
  —J.Pun
  

• The caterer asked me if I knew where he could buy horse meat. I asked him what he needed it for. He said he wanted to make horse d'oeuvres.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I recently went to see an operetta about a German sausage container. It was called The Wurst Case Scenario.
  —punjab
  

• The ambitious wiener aspired to be perfectly frank.
  —punjab
  

• After my rich uncle died we all gathered at the lawyer's office. We were surprised when he started serving everyone cottage cheese. He said, "Where there's a will, there's some whey."
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• Cookie Monster's favorite baseball team is the Baltimore Oreos.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• The salad chefs were talking when one pointed to the guy at the next table. "Stay away from him," he said. "He's done thyme."
  —punjab
  

• Scandianvian spud: Swede potato.
  —punjab
  

• The salad he ate caused him to become parsley disabled.
  —punjab
  

• When the baseball team was served salad, one player noticed a foul odor and told the others, who then refused to eat it. It just proves the old adage, "a stench in thyme saves nine."
  —punjab
  

• My wife made a salad that contained a variety of noodles, macaroni, etc. It looked so good I said, "Pass da salad, please."
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• Fat guy's philosophy: "A waist is a terrible thing to mind."
  —punjab
  

• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
  —frank
  

• When the boxer retired and bought a French restaurant. His motto was, "Bloat like a batter-fry, Stink like a Brie."
  —punjab
  

• I read an interesting story about an ancient deli. It was called, "Salami and the Seven Veals."
  —punjab
  

• I really complained to the waitress about the lousy casserole I had been served. My friend had beefs, too.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• When the American Indian tribe became wealthy from their casino, they dined eloquently. Their kitchen even had a Sioux chef.
  —punjab
  

• My friend Theodore started a cheese making business. He makes very good cheese. Folks around here call it great Ted cheese.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• It occurd to me the other day that yogurt has a long whey to go before it becomes popular culture.
  —ali leslie
  

• Wheat a minute Wheat a minute, I can barley see the yeast coast! There we will stand and sing "Oat say can you Seed". Hay now, this is getting corn-y!!
  —Tempest
  

• A Scottish Pun: A man walks into a bakers shop and asks the assistant, "Is that a doughnut or a merangue?" The Baker responds, "No, you're right. It's a doughnut."
  —helen Cairney
  

• The ambitious wiener tried to be pefectly frank, but his credibility was absolutely the wurst.
  —punjab
  

• The newspapers all called the jailed anarchist potato an agitator.
  —Jake W.
  

• I burned my tongue eating that gourmet food. It was hot cuisine.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• The ex-athlete always cut the skin off pomes before he ate them. Of course, he was always noted for his pear flay.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• The Minister quit his job to become a confectioner. Of course he was a Master of Divinity.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I never kiss my wife when she is making soup stock. She has bad broth.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• Want to be like Martin Yan? Well, learn to talk the talk and walk the wok.
  —CB
  

• His burrito's were so popular he really became the taco the town.
  —The Tim Guy Returns
  

• "Come on folks, step up, stake your claim and claim your steak", the cook said in short order.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• The trout in the frying pan was so mad, it just flipped out.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• I finally got into the rhythm of running a beet farm.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• Chewing on jaw breakers will denture teeth for sure.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• As a Romane Priest once said, lettuce bow our heads and peas be unto you.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• Funny thing, I emptied a can of soup at the exact time that my brother in Michigan emptied a can of soup. How uncanny is that?
  —The Tim Guy
  

• The guy was reluctant to give up drinking Pepsi, but with a little bit of coke-sing he switched over to the other brand.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• That is my cheese, so please, leave my provolone.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• The hot dog had its way with the ladies. He was a real frank flirter.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• The pita bread truck broke down. The driver had to call a flat bread tow truck.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• Your herd of cows are behind. You mustard them quickly so you can ketchup to the others.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• I don't have mushroom for Portabella's in my life.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• Since he took the job as a dutch crunch he came to terms with the roll he had to play.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• What more can I say? We had shrimp for dinner and she wore a scampi outfit.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• At first, I dropped some crumbs, then the ants came; after that, everything got carried away.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• The fish were grilled but they still would not talk.
  —The Tim Guy
  

• Since July was National Baked Beans Month, I thought we should have marked the occasion with three minutes of silents.
  —David Procter
  

• I think my vegetables are mad at me for the way I cooked them over boiling water. They're really steamed.
  —Pam Bell
  

• The Dorito and the Frito barely even nodded to each other when they met one evening. They were like two chips passing in the night.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I made a snail omelet. It was eggscargot.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• Q: What is the favorite candy on playgrounds?
  A: Recess Peanut Butter Cups.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• The cook at the Chinese Restaurant was sad when he spilled the Wonton soup. In fact, he was crushed.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• She wanted to eat Alphabits cereal so I letter.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I knew the waiter was going to beg for something when he brought me that steaming bowl of chili. He came with hot in hand.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• My friend just won the highest award an Italian chef can earn, the Nobel Pizza Prize.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I once worked sacking groceries. One day a lady said I was not doing it right. I said, "Ma'am, I bag to differ."
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• Some people never consider potential when they judge something. For example, some see a lowly red pepper. I see the tabasco source.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• Q: What is the cannibal's favorite bread spread?
  A: Boys and Berry Jam.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• When the waiter in Athens brought me a dish of boiled hominy I sent it back. Beware of Greeks bearing grits.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• The chocolate-loving magician could perform a lot of Twix.
  —Ebonee Collins
  

• I wanted cottage cheese with my meal, so I ordered off the ala curd menu.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• That Italian Chef is really becoming annoying. He's making a pesto himself.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• When I worked at a bakery, my supervisor watched closely while a made a custard-filled sponge cake. I was bossed in cream pies.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• Santa Claus loved Scandinavian pastries. That is why he was called Kris Kringla.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I felt sick after I ate the scallopini. I didn't veal good at all.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I like to eat herring on the Day of Atonement. Yum! Kipper!
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• That potato and cheese dish is spoiled. Ugh! Rotten potatoes!
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I ordered whole wheat toast, but it tasted funny. I thought something was awry.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• When I treated my friends to lunch at the Mexican fast food restaurant I paid the taco bill.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• Voltaire's favorite Thanksgiving dish was Candide yams.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• The concession stand at the circus had very good coffee. It was the greatest joe on earth.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• After retirement, the bank president organized the morning buffet at a restaurant. He became the brunch manager.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• The sea monster enjoyed a meal of fish and ships.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I have eaten at a lot of different sandwich shops. I have noticed that they all taste the same. That got me wondering, is there a sub standard?
  —Gary D.
  

• Pumpernickel and rye: a breadly alliance.
  —Matt Zangen
  

• As Santa Claus was daydreaming about a piece of fruit, he fell down the chimney and broke his neck. How could he get out of the situation without getting trouble? He'd have to pear-a-lies.
  —Scott Riehs
  

• I thought I only had enough flour to bake one loaf but when I added yeast I ended up with eleven breads.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• The pod vegetables I bought for the gumbo were only so-so. They were medi-okra.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• I was making a pizza to make money, but my deer stole the doe.
  —eweeezy
  

• Seven days without chocolate makes one weak.
  —Puddles -Huddles
  

• That wedding cake was beautiful. When I saw it my eyes filled with tiers.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• At breakfast time I am so hungry I could murder a bowl of cornflakes. Does that make me a cereal killer?
  —Punned It
  

• When I visited Italy, I didn't do much. I just vegged out. When in Rome, do as the Romaines. Let us hope I never write a pun this bad again. Someone should beet me. I guess that would be okay as long as they don't kale me.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• The rabbi served me a traditional meat dish. It was terrible. I said, "This stuff is for the birds." He said, "Well, it is gefilte finch."
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• The day before Easter is very traumatic for me. I have to spend the morning watching eggs dyeing.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• After the beet accused the parsnip of being an albino radish, the parsnip decided it was time for a BEAT DOWN!
  —"Frank - Buellton, CA"
  

• Donuts are part of my healthy diet. They are made from hole grain.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• The local Catholic men's group is having a chicken dinner fundraiser. I bought tickets. The best place to get chicken is K of C.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• When I am dieting I always take the bus that makes every stop. It is local.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• Q: What happened when the truck carrying grapes and other fruits to Welch's foods skidded off the road and caused a big tie-up?
  A: It created the biggest jam-packed traffic jam.
  —emily soifer
  

• Lettuce be green.
  —cody
  

• The Mafia chief had bagels and crime cheese for breakfast.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• My puns are like onions. Some make you cry harder than others, but they all have appeal.
  —David Wells
  

• Brian: "I'm eating some of your olives."
  John: "DON'T EAT OLIVE THEM!!!"
  —John Clark
  

• There was a major fight at breakfast this morning over the pork products. I never sausage a thing.
  —Julia
  

• The members of the private club said I could eat dinner with them if I paid an entr√©e fee.
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• To control my weight during the holiday season, I am going to a whole grain diet. I'm dreaming of a wheat Christmas. (I know my sense of humor is a little rye, so I oat to quit writing puns.)
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• My wife likes her tea hot in the winter. I still prefer frostea.
  —Mark
  

• The soup was so good I wanted seconds. I said, "I'll have a ladle more."
  —SGT Snorkel
  

• Eating caulicflower, as the name itself suggests, may produce severe pains in your stomach and bowels.
  —Luis