Arnold Schwarzeneggar didn't know the story of the Titanic. After watching the movie, he exclaimed, "Who vould hav sunk it!"
—M.F. Runz
Arnold Schwarzeneggar wanted to make a refined contribution to the film industry. He requested a part in a movie about great composers. "Name it, Arnie!", they said. He replied, "I'll be Bach!"
—John McNamara
The film-maker's dreams were shattered when his vision didn't pan out.
—Derik Bingner
I saw The Lord of the Rings over 20 times—it was a force of Hobit.
—John Dickson
When Mickey went to space, he saw Pluto.
—Alex Ng
Frankenstein paralyzed his girlfriend; he had such a crush on her.
—Alex Ng
I would not want Daniel Radcliffe to make pots; he's a Harry Potter.
—Alex Ng
2001 is a movie that you really odyssey.
—The Tim Guy
Mickey Mouse won't pilot that steamboat, will he?
—SGT Snorkel
We were going on a vacation to Disney World, but the plane was stuck in a holding pattern. I thought we would never, never land.
—SGT Snorkel
A reporter asked the Three Stooges where they had spent the previous night. Curly looked at one of the other stooges and said, "Moe, tell."
—SGT Snorkel
I just saw a movie about a yeti that started a public-relations firm. It was called Monster's Ink.
—SGT Snorkel
Having seen Titanic, it was heart warming to see the string quartet play on whilst the passengers jumped overboard. The passengers must have misread the sign "A band on ship."
—Chalky
Dr. Doolittle enjoyed talking to the animals, but found termites to be boring.
—punjab
Why are Sylvester Stallone's relationships always Rocky?
—Chalky
Valerie Harper has been cast in a remake of the Dorothy Lamour classic, Rhoda to Rio.
—SGT Snorkel
After failing to make the cut at the Colonial, the female golfer decided to become a Jedi knight. Her name will be Annika Skywalker.
—SGT Snorkel
I wanted to cast the Jedi Knight in our church Christmas Pageant, but he said he would not be a shepherd. I said, "Oh, be one, Knobe."
—SGT Snorkel
Spock has three ears: a left ear, a right ear, and a final fronteir.
—erin
The Norwegian Jedi Knight said, "May the firth be with you."
—SGT Snorkel
The Jedi Knight retired to start writing comedy screen plays. May the farce be with you.
—SGT Snorkel
The trapper became a Jedi Knight. His slogan was, "May the furs be with you."
—SGT Snorkel
I went golfing with a Jedi Knight. All through the round I got birdies on the par fives. He kept shouting, "May the fours be with you."
—SGT Snorkel
A new movie about dogs on a sailing ship who tie up the captain and rebel. It is called Canine Mutiny.
—The Tim Guy
I had dinner with the Jedi Knight that went over to the dark side. He burned the spuds so I had to have dark taters.
—SGT Snorkel
Q: Where did John Travolta go on vacation?
A: Greece.
—Kevin Woodward
Buzz Lightyear was following a slow moving Japanese luxury car on the highway. As he started to pass he shouted, "To Infiniti and beyond."
—SGT Snorkel
I have come to the conclusion that Oz must have been in present day Iraq. Dorothy talks about lions and Tigris and bears.
—SGT Snorkel
Dorothy's dog was really dumb. In fact, he was a Toto idiot.
—SGT Snorkel
When Scarlett asked Rhett why he didn't turn his lights down for oncoming traffic he said, "Frankly my dear I don't give a dim."
—SGT Snorkel
Rhett would spare change the female beggar every morning. One morning she asked why he never gave her any ten cent pieces. He said, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dime."
—SGT Snorkel
That Jedi knight that went over to the dark side was not an interesting conversationalist. He bored me to Darth.
—SGT Snorkel
My mama alwasy said life was like a game of roulette; you never know what you're gonna bet.
—Rich
Would the glue of Agent 007 be called bond, James' bond?
—SGT Snorkel
I ate the evening meal at Mary Poppin's house. She asked if I liked it. I said, "It's suppercalifragilisticexpialidocious."
—SGT Snorkel
Dorothy could always sense what her aunt was feeling. She was Empathic.
—SGT Snorkel
Han Solo's best friend decided to run for political office. His slogan was, "Choose baca."
—SGT Snorkel
After the astronaut retired he became a successful shepherd. He had the right staff.
—SGT Snorkel
The Jedi Knight traded in his light saber for a light dagger. He had gone over to the dirk side. Another Jedi Knight bought a pocket protector and started studying computer programming. He had gone over to the dork side.
—SGT Snorkel
The police suspected one of the stooges in a murder case but could not establish a motive.
—SGT Snorkel
Of course Darth Vader went over to the dark side. He was a Jedi night.
—SGT Snorkel
The arsonist became a Jedi knight. May the fires be with you.
—SGT Snorkel
The sea captain became a Jedi knight but he went over to the dock side.
—SGT Snorkel
I am writing a Star Wars screenplay in which Luke finds a glass eye and returns it to the hillbilly who lost it. I have called it "The Return of Jed's Eye."
—SGT Snorkel
That Jedi Knight kept talking on and on and on. "Yoda, yoda, yoda...."
—SGT Snorkel
My girlfriend wanted me to watch a documentary on hatchery operations but I hate chick flicks.
—SGT Snorkel
I don't need much to be happy; a cold brew, a bottle opener, a game on TV. As Baloo sang, "The beer necessities, the simple beer necessities."
—SGT Snorkel
In his spare time Agent 007 organized a musical group. It was band, James' band.
—SGT Snorkel
What did Hardy say to Laurel as they left traffic court? "This is another fine mess you've gotten us into, Stanley."
—SGT Snorkel
If Fredric March had starred in a Star Wars movie would they have called it "Darth Takes a Holiday?"
—SGT Snorkel
I just wrote a screenplay about a nutty scientist who uses his dog to test his time machine. I call it Bark to the Future. In the sequel he goes back in time to kidnap a famous composer. That one is Bach to the Future.
—SGT Snorkel
Dan Ackroyd and Arnold Schwarzenegger are co-starring in a new action film called Conehead the Barbarian.
—SGT Snorkel
Obi Wan's friend and mentor missed the meeting of the Jedi Council. He was in a bar swiggin' gin.
—SGT Snorkel
The Star Wars character was nicknamed Coffee. His real name was Java the Cup.
—SGT Snorkel
My friend is making a movie based on a Homer epic. You oughta see it.
—SGT Snorkel
Dirty Harry could not light his fire. As a piece of timber floated by towards the Atlantic Ocean, he said, "Damn... I need that Flint East wood."
—Scott Riehs
Schwarzenegger is going to star in a remake of the Clint Eastwood film, The Good, the Bod, and the Ugly.
—SGT Snorkel
Shrek would never tell a lie. He says that honesty is the beast policy.
—SGT Snorkel
I am writing a screenplay about a mad scientist who makes giant pain pills and animates them to take over the world. I am going to call it, "It's Aleve."
—SGT Snorkel
I have made a new video featuring college coeds showing off their sweaters. I call it, "Girls Gone Wooled."
—SGT Snorkel
I have made a new video featuring college coeds at a probate hearing. I call it, "Girls Gone Willed."
—SGT Snorkel
That "Star Wars" character loves to talk. They call him Jabber the Hutt.
—SGT Snorkel
Batman must have been a real nerd. He was called the Dork Knight.
—SGT Snorkel
There's a new movie about invisible aliens who rip writers' egos to shreds. It's called: EDITOR!
—LLB
The actress was always selected to play the part of a secretary. She was type cast.
—SGT Snorkel
