I thought the preview of the play "Titanic" was good, but then, I had only seen the tip of the iceberg.
—Brian Powell
The Shakespearean actor could dive into shallow without hurting himself. He would just nick bottom.
—SGT Snorkel
The hockey player got in trouble at the Shakespeare Festival. He couldn't resist hitting the Puck.
—SGT Snorkel
That Shakespearean actress has dry, cracked lips. Forsooth, she is taking Chapstick.
—SGT Snorkel
How do playwrights play? They play right, of course.
—Salah Fuad Issa
Timothy McVeigh wasn't a bad actor, but when he was in Oklahoma! he bombed.
—Sally Carreras
Hamlet was taking an anatomy class when he came up with his "Tibia or not tibia" speech.
—SGT Snorkel
The Broadway director consulted an Italian chef to guarantee he would win an award for best show. Who else would you go to if you wanted to rig a Tony?
—SGT Snorkel
When I went to the Broadway show I had no trouble getting a ride. There were lots of taxis outside my hotel. It was a real cab array.
—SGT Snorkel
Playwright Edward, in tracing his family tree, discovered a new relative. The next day the newspaper headlines read, "Albee a monkey's uncle."
—punjab
The mafia stage producer figured a way to rigatoni.
—punjab
I once wrote a screen play about a psychiatrist who would say one thing and mean another. It was a Freudian script.
—SGT Snorkel
Did Edward really write "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" Well, Albee.
—SGT Snorkel
I just wrote a musical drama about a famous day time talk show host. I call it "Opera Winfrey."
—SGT Snorkel
I stole someone else's idea for a stage drama. Is that playgerism?
—SGT Snorkel
Hamlet didn't know whether he should put a bid in on the four bedroom ranch or not. To buy or not to buy?
—SGT Snorkel
Eugene O'Neill once wrote a play about a visit from an optometrist. He called it, The Eyes Man Cometh.
—SGT Snorkel
I wrote a musical set in Ireland. I call it, "On a Clare Day You Can See Forever."
—SGT Snorkel
I choreographed a musical about the inevitability of death among a group of Scandinavians. I called it "Danes Macabre."
—SGT Snorkel
Sir Galahad got a part in "The Phantom of the Opera." He sang "The Music of the Knight."
—SGT Snorkel
