It's accrual world.
—Bazza
My counterfeit-money business went under. . . . I guess people didn't think we made any cents.
—Branden Sphar
Fairchild and Honeywell are going to merge. They will now be known as "Fairwell Honey Child."
—The Tim Guy
I am opening an ice cream parlor with an African motif. I am calling it Benin Jerry's.
—SGT Snorkel
He was hired by the Alka-Seltzer company because of his background as a fizzacist.
—The Tim Guy
The fortune teller moved his business to Chicago. He rented an office in the Seer's Tower.
—SGT Snorkel
My accountant always writes religious phrases down the left side of the page. That's his prophet margin.
—Chalky
The psychic made big money in the futures market.
—punjab
If I work one more day at that blasted bomb-testing factory, I'll explode!
—CarloynKitty
My friend had wanted to trade his watch for cash, but he said the shop owner's cat kept scratching him. I said, "Well, you did go to the Pawin' Shop."
—SGT Snorkel
The salesperson was so angered by a customer that she gave him a sales flip.
—punjab
There was a job opening at The Photo Hut, but I just couldn't picture myself working there.
—Cliff Huxtable
Female Florist: Pistil-packin' mama.
—punjab
The vampire killer gave his apprentice a stake in the business.
—punjab
The IHOP debating team made a good presentation, but tended to waffle on the issues.
—punjab
Before Jenny Craig decided to admit prostitutes and convicts to their program, they had to weigh the pros and cons of their decision.
—punjab
The President of National Scarecrow Manufacturers, Inc. was just a straw boss.
—punjab
The retired Marine started a business manufacturing violins. His motto was "Semper Fiddles."
—SGT Snorkel
That gas station is giving away hand tools when you buy gas. That makes sense. Fill-ups - Screwdrivers.
—SGT Snorkel
I tried organic farming but it didn't work. All that came up were some pianos.
—SGT Snorkel
It seems that the market for oriental art is declining. I recently learned that several origami venders have folded.
—punjab
Three brothers open up a used car lot. The new business is called, Otto Moe Bill used cars.
—The Tim Guy
The woman in Tokyo who cleaned houses for a living was maid in Japan.
—The Tim Guy
Two training and tracking classes are provided for railroad employees. The classes are as follows: Track training and Train tracking.
—The Tim Guy
My cousin use to drive a big Mack truck for McDonalds. He is now semi retired.
—The Tim Guy
Starbucks recently merged with Smith Barney. Their new slogan is, "We make money the old fashioned way; we urn it."
—SGT Snorkel
My friend thinks he can make money selling perfume to religious women. That's nun scents.
—SGT Snorkel
That florist tried to sell me some odorless flowers. That's non scents.
—SGT Snorkel
The prices in the store are all in whole dollar amounts. That's non cents.
—SGT Snorkel
I used to have a business breeding wading birds to sell to zoos and pet stores but I gave it up. I'm glad I did. I have no egrets.
—SGT Snorkel
I used a computer to keep track of my poultry produce business. I entered all of the data on Microsoft Egg Sale. (Or was that Microsoft Egg Shell?)
—SGT Snorkel
After he retired from football, the Defensive Back began a milk production business. It was so successful he decided to open a second dairy.
—SGT Snorkel
The baby sitter started a business making things with microscopic materials. Of course, she is an expert in nanny technology.
—SGT Snorkel
That Madison Avenue worker can start spouting commercial ideas the minute he meets a new client. What an ad libber.
—SGT Snorkel
My friend had a business that ensured that accused people would appear in court. He closed that to start a business that manufactured twine. He went from making bail bonds to making bale bonds.
—SGT Snorkel
The executive at the tool foundry was put in charge of the bench-mounted gripping devices. He was the vise president.
—SGT Snorkel
I started a business dealing in animal pelts. When that failed, I took a job as a short order cook. If at furs you don't succeed, fry, fry again. Actually, I did some waiting to. Tray, tray again?
—SGT Snorkel
I started a chain of stores to sell church supplies at a discount price. I call it Steeples. I am going to start one to supply horsemen called Stables.
—SGT Snorkel
I see where a news wire service merged with a sewer cleaning company. The new company will be named Roto-Reuters.
—SGT Snorkel
I was working in an auto parts store in Boston when a large jungle cat came in the store. It turns out he had been sold spark plugs for the wrong model car and wanted to exchange them. I guess a leopard can change his pots.
—SGT Snorkel
I have opened an inn where I read from an old English philosopher during the morning meal. It is a Bede and Breakfast.
—SGT Snorkel
When I closed my deli I sold everything lox, stock and barrel.
—SGT Snorkel
I was lost in thought so my florist friend said, "A peony for your thoughts."
—SGT Snorkel
The mall manager asked me which of the two kiosks did I wish to rent. I said, "I want booth of them."
—SGT Snorkel
They converted the large luxury boat into a hotel that caters to parties. What a merry yacht!
—SGT Snorkel
That Cadillac salesman could argue both sides of any question. He became known as the deVille's advocate.
—SGT Snorkel
I could tell they were evictees, because they looked out-of-place.
—Vinnie Mac
The workers at that inn are not very friendly. They create a hostel environment.
—SGT Snorkel
I thought the carpenter was taking too long to build the addition on my house, but he said, "Room wasn't built in a day."
—SGT Snorkel
I was sure his cheese shop would fail, but Edam near succeeded.
—SGT Snorkel
I wanted to install a divider between my kitchen and living room so I went to WallMart.
—SGT Snorkel
I am hard to get along with at work but they keep me because I know so much about company operations. I am a jerk of all trades.
—SGT Snorkel
My first job was peddling expensive clothing. I was a Dior to Dior salesman.
—SGT Snorkel
Starbucks must have been in business for a long time. When Jonah's boat was caught in the storm, the sailors cast lattes to see who was to blame.
—SGT Snorkel
I once worked at a factory that made boat paddles. The starting pay was ten dollars an oar.
—SGT Snorkel
The Mormon developed a line of perfume. He called it Latter Day Scents.
—SGT Snorkel
I am opening a smorgasbord restaurant decorated with pictures of my favorite folk singer. I am calling the restaurant The Jimmy Buffet.
—SGT Snorkel
It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.
—SGT Snorkel
The smart college grad became a milliner. He was a Phi Beta capper.
—SGT Snorkel
The dessert chef was very smart. He had graduated pie baker Kappa.
—SGT Snorkel
The boring sales manager hired a bunch of boring sales reps. They never made their quotas. It was a clear case of the bland leading the bland.
—SGT Snorkel
