Oops, looks like I hissed a mystery lecture.
—Jason Mills
She could tie through her leeth. (lie through her teeth)
—Donald Frazier
If you want my lust, don't try so much. (If you want my trust, don't lie so much.)
—Donald Frazier
Raise your glass for our dear queen. (Glaze your arse for our queer dean.)
—Dave Bickle
Time wounds all heels. (Time heals all wounds.)
—Anonymous
Slut me some crack. (Cut me some slack.)
—Tiumothy Doan
The news about the rising crime rate in Denmark made John Fogerty wonder: "Who robbed this Dane?"
The smears on the window made him ask: "Who rubbed this stain?"
(who stopped the rain)
—Malte
back in the jocks (jack-in-the-box)
—Clytan
Q: What's the difference between a pun and a fart?
A: A pun is a shift of wit!
—Phillip Todd Teagarden
This is by William Spooner, who first "discovered" spoonerisms. He used to say to his students as he taught at a college: "You have hissed all your mystery lectures and tasted two full worms."
—Monica Rengaw
My glasses broke, so I went to see Tom up a tree. I mean, optometry . . .
—Donald Frazier
I actually said this: "I cut my finger while shypening a knarf."
—Tena Abbey
My friend was complaining that hunters were crossing her property, to which I suggested that she put up signs saying "Posted—Prosecutors will be violated!"
—Carole Ervin
I am frying way mi ales. (I am trying to play my scales.)
—Kathryn Mueller
The little kid was mad and threw a tamper tentrum!
—stardipper17
You're a fart smeller—I mean smart fellar.
—Bill Runge
pransom hince (handsome prince)
—Trystan Gray
slass glipper (glass slipper)
—Trystan Gray
Rindercella (Cinderella)
—Trystan Gray
William Randolph Hearst's comment when he heard that Orson Welles was filming Citizen Kane: "The kid is insane!"
—Malte
I am sotally tober. (totally sober)
—funkymorgan
Does this place smell sokes? (Does this place sell smokes?)
—Cas
Honey, that over-dead whore! (overhead door)
—R. S. Iiams
Uncle Louie filmed us with his candy ham while we ate our hand cam.
—The Tim Guy
Last night for dinner, we had the best rot post. (pot roast)
—The Tim Guy
My wife sent me to the bank to get a comprinter pute out.
—Popuppy
I was watching the movie, Meet Blow Jack. (Meet Joe Black)
—Anne Crites
Last night I got a little messed up, and instead of getting baked by some reefer, I got raked by some beaver!
—Gene Schubert
wire forks (fire works)
—Brooklynn Hunt
Let's go pot some toke.
—Punk Rocker
I swear to drunk I'm not God.
—Punk Rocker
Go shake a tot on ge thoalie. (take a shot on the goalie)
—biggie satim
My friend once told me her brother had to get his pumac stumped. (stomach pumped)
—Greywolf_Morningstar
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Won't you slay my guide tonight?"
—The Wall
Never put all your chickens in one basket or count your eggs before they're hatched.
—Donald Frazier
I want a gift certificate to Bad Breath and Beyond.
—kiddiedoc
Enough of this Fom Toolery! Let's age our acts!
—The Tim Guy
I have an over-acted magic nation.
—nicole
