Why are comb, tomb, and bomb spelled alike if they are all pronounced differently?
—B. Rich
Suppose you were to climb into a septic tank to do some repairs, and you found yourself neck-deep in diarrheareous excrement. What would you do if someone threw a brick at your head?
—Mr. G.
If tin whistles are made of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
—Kent Ziegler
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown also?
—B. Rich
Why is it that your feet smell and your nose runs?
—Suzi
Why do we drive on a parkway but park in a driveway?
—Big Al
What would a nudist call a pocket calculator?
—Matt Radigan
Can it be said that a person who eats chicken fingers "bites the hand that feeds him?"
—Tom Gilronan
Why do people use the phrase, "sitting on my ass?" Where else are you going to sit?
—Mad K. Doyle
If it's the black box that's always left unharmed in a plane crash, then why isnt the whole damn plane made out of that stuff?
—Ash D.
If a cow laughs, does milk come out it's nose?
—Sammy Samsonite
Why do people use their turn signals when they're in a turn-only lane?
—Maria Van
Should an atheist be allowed to say "Oh my god"?
—Maria Van
Should vegetarians be allowed to eat animal crackers?
—Maria Van
Why do 24-hr businesses have locks on the doors?
—Tigger
If pigs lost the ability to make sounds, would they become dis-GRUNTled?
—Adrian Bozzay
Do sailors say, "Ah well, worse things happen on land?"
—Jestaminnit
What's wrong with cloud eight?
—Jestaminnit
Why is it that when you open a can of evaporated milk, it's still full?
—Jestaminnit
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
—Jestaminnit
How deep would the ocean be if it weren't for all those sponges soaking up the water?
—Jestaminnit
Is the leaning tower of Pisa a listed building?
—Jestaminnit
Where did the phrases, "A drug deal gone bad" and "A bad headache" ever come from? Are there indeed good drug deals, or good headaches?
—Uncle Fester
It is said, if you drop a slice of buttered bread, it will land butter side down. Also, if you drop cat, it will land on its feet. What happens if you tie a slice of buttered bread to the back of a cat, and drop the whole setup out a second-story window?
—Uncle Fester
Why is the deceased always called, "The Late, so and so?" They're not late; they aren't coming.
—Uncle Fester
Why is it, when you go into a Convenience Store, with a refillable cup, with an obvious competitors logo on it, the clerk will ask, "Is that new or a refill?"
—Uncle Fester
Why is it, when a couple has a new baby, someone will most assuredly ask, "Is that YOUR baby?" I mean, is there a place I'm not aware of that rents babies?
—Uncle Fester
Why is it, when a friend calls you at work, they always ask, "What are you doing?" Shouldn't it be obvious when you're at work?
—Uncle Fester
If a shepherd takes care of sheep, does a coward take care of cows?
—Donald Frazier
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," is "congress" the opposite of "progress?"
—Donald Frazier
If a person with a multiple personality disorder threatens to kill himself, can it be considered a hostage situation?
—Brian Rajaniemi
If nothing will stick to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stay in the pan?
—Donald Frazier
What is best, a fat chance or a slim chance?
—Donald Frazier
Is Canadian Bacon what Floridians call sunburnt Canadians?
—Timism
Is it permissible to shoot tourists during tourist season?
—Therese Ammons
If vegetarians eat vegetables, why don't humanitarians eat humans?
—YoMama
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
—Erbach
Why is it called a hot water heater when it doesn't heat hot water?
—Erbach
When a ship pulls into harbor, those little round windows that you see are called "portholes." Are the windows on the other side called "seaholes?"
—Donald Frazier
Why didn't you tell me that you were a mute?
—Andrew Walter
Why are there Braille markings at drive-through ATM machines?
—Mr. Barry
If life's a bitch, and then you die, what's death?
—Rick Adams
Are all horses created equul?
—Andrew Gradman
Can an atheist claim Acts of God in his insurance?
—Zelda J.T.
What is another word for thesaurus?
—Shaun Hilton
Why is it that night falls, but day breaks?
—Shaun Hilton
Why is it that rhetorical questions have no answer?
—Roger Fragoza
If you choke on an ice cube, will it melt before you die?
—Jan Unwin
Why don't cows have white meat?
—Jan Unwin
How many pieces in a box of frozen chicken belong to the same chicken?
—Jan Unwin
Why do they serve French bread with Italian meals?
—Jan Unwin
What do you call a fly that has no wings?
—The Wall
What's the deal with jaywalking? Don't jays fly?
—Princess Marianne
If one was into stealing bee hives, would it be regarded as a "sting" operation?
—Ron Murdock
Who coined the phrase, "who coined the phrase?"
—Porterboy
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work on snowy mornings?
—navel_lintage
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
—navel_lintage
Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
—navel_lintage
If you choke a Smurf, what color does he turn?
—navel_lintage
Why do they call them "earth worms?" Do some people think they are from outer space?
—Donald Frazier
Why do some pictures say "hand drawn?" Has anyone ever seen a "foot-drawn" portrait?
—Donald Frazier
What sport do golfers play in the off-season?
—The Wall
What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
—The Wall
What do little birdies see when they are hurt?
—Ameyameya
Do Roman doctors call IVs "fours?"
—Ameyameya
If "once you pop, you can't stop"; then why is there a reusable lid?
—Daisy Wood
Can a fat person go skinny dipping?
—Daisy Wood
If a man can get as weak as a kitten, how weak can a kitten get?
—Donald Frazier
If Diet Dr. Pepper tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper—except with fewer calories—why is the regular Dr. Pepper still being sold?
—Huzlinefan
If we can ask rhetorical questions, are there times when we can give rhetorical answers?
—The Tim Guy
If an orange is called an orange, than why isn't a lemon called a yellow?
—The Tim Guy
If you start out to fail and fail, then what have you done?
—Steven Caress
Are submarine deployments called "submissions?"
—The Tim Guy
Why are the names of sciences—like mathematics, physics and obstetrics—plural? Can you choose to study only one of each?
—The Wall
Is the plastic bucket a pale imitation
—PeeWee
Why is it that when we're dog tired we take cat naps?
—The Tim Guy
If a man is talking in the woods, but his wife isn't there to hear him, is he still wrong?
—Bob Keyes
Do sail boats float on sailing solution?
—The Tim Guy
Did Aaron make the golden calf out of beef bullion?
—The Tim Guy
If a flood washes the bridge away, and someone wishes to know how you plan to traverse the river; can you answer, "I'll cross that bridge when I get to it?"
—The Tim Guy
If a tree falls on a mime, will it make a sound?
—Satan's_lil_Angel
Is fraud on the internet committed by .com artists?
—Peter Schmidt
How was milk discovered? What did the dude/dudette who discovered it think he/she was doing?
—Jiggy Jiggy
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
—Sprint19
If a butthead is stupid, why is an egghead smart?
—Gene Schubert
If lucky people are born with silver spoons in their mouths, are unlucky people born with silver knives in their mouths?
—Gene Schubert
Does a backpack turn into a knapsack when you're asleep?
—Gene Schubert
If Madonna were to testify in court, would she be a material witness?
—Gary Blake
Doesn't "going the extra mile" take you past the place where you want to go?
—The Wall
If peoples' knees bent in the other direction, what would chairs look like?
—Rich D
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
—Punjab
Why do they put fences around cow pastures? I mean, if the cow can jump over the moon, she can sure as heck can jump over a fence.
—Donald Frazier
How do you write zero in roman numerals?
—Donald Frazier
Is there a cure for chronic deja vu?
—Johnno
If you coin a word, do you word a coin?
—Johnno
If you are an astronaut, and you visit the planet Uranus . . . does that mean you are physically in your anus?
—Jr Felon
Why are "semi" trucks larger than normal-sized trucks?
—Michael LeMaster
If a man is named Nick, does he have a nickname?
—Michael LeMaster
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of a bottle?
—hotfever66
Do sheep shrink in the rain?
—hotfever66
How could a San Frisco Giant play shortstop? Also, can a San Diego Charger pay cash?
—punjab
Would you call a TV ad for aluminum caskets a "light bier" commercial?
—punjab
Would an impartial rabbit be considered a fair hare? If so, would his son be called a "fair-hared boy?"
—punjab
When coyotes eat rabbits, do they cough up hare balls?
—punjab
Does an amoeba use a one-cell phone?
—punjab
If you threw a bash for your former spouse, would it be called an ex parte proceeding?
—punjab
When Mahatma Gandhi got cold, did he wear an Indian blanket?
—punjab
Would you call a muscular idiot an oxymoron?
—punjab
How can there be self-help "groups?"
—Donald Frazier
I've heard the saying "Deader than a doornail," but just what is a doornail? And was it ever alive?
—Donald Frazier
Is the alphabet in that order because of the song?
—Mac Daddy
Why do we choose from two people for president and 50 for Miss America?
—Mac Daddy
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
—Mac Daddy
If there is no God, then who pops the next tissue out of the box?
—Mac Daddy
If medical graduates become doctors, why don't math graduates become Counts?
—Chalky
What would you do if you saw 99 bottles of beer on the wall?
—alex a
Where in the Humpty Dumpty song does it say that he's an egg?
—alex a
How does the music video look for the song, "Scrub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub?"
—alex a
If it's a pair of goulashes, then what do you call one? A golash?
—Paul Anderson
What is the plural of dufus? dufai?
—Paul Anderson
If an airport is so safe, then why do they call it a terminal?
—Sackotheskunk
Is the Hokey Pokey really what it's all about?
—karisma22
If you are not supposed to cut people down, do we cut them up?
—Ryan
Why is it when you blow in a dogs face, he spazes out; but when you go for a ride in a car he, sticks his head out the window?
—numb buts
If love is blind, how come lingerie is so popular?
—Alf of Melmak
If an irresistable force meets an immovable object, is it still covered by my homeowners insurance?
—punjab
Why did the cat have a fiddle, and not a viola?
—chicken pants
Why are liars's pants always on fire?
—chicken pants
How do we know that Old Mcdonald is a guy?
—chicken pants
Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?
—Smartest Man In The World
Are dime-store operators required to attend sundry school?
—punjab
Do sprinters ever get the runs?
—Chalky
Do people in the gay olympics compete in the bi-athelon?
—Chalky
Do blind sprinters use seeing-eye greyhounds?
—punjab
Just what is Victoria's secret?
—punjab
Do abstract artists ever do anything with a straight face?
—punjab
Is there such a thing as being right-side down?
—Donald Frazier
Do geometry professors send each other parallelograms?
—punjab
Does Superman sleep in the supernatural?
—punjab
Whoever heard of warm, soft cash?
—punjab
If a mime were called as a witness, would it be mute testimony?
—punjab
Does a G-Man take a G-Whiz?
—punjab
If the computer starts counting at 0, why is 0 the last digit on the keyboard?
—Donald Frazier
Why do they call it "rush hour" when there is nothing moving?
—Donald Frazier
In sports, why does a free agent cost so much to sign?
—SGT Snorkel
if Keith Richards and Mick Jagger are in a plane and it crashes is that killing two stones with one bird?
—josh
How could one come up with glue from horses? I can picture it now, "Hey! That could work!"
—An omnimous pure son
Are kite shops, fly-by-nighters?
—Greg Slater
Is John Doe susceptible to identity theft?
—punjab
How is it that something, like a neat car can be called "totally cool" and "totally hot" and mean the same thing? Aren't these words opposites?
—The Tim Guy
You know the saying, "More than you can poke a stick at"? I don't know about you, but I can poke a stick at quite a few things.
—Pam Bell
Why aren't Mothers Day and Labor Day celebrated at the same time?
—SGT Snorkel
Could someone be arrested for entering a crowded fire-house and yelling, "Movie!"?
—R. Nelson
Does someone who manufacturers brakes take a work?
or
If someone who manufacturers brakes takes a brake, does he get in trouble?
—R. Nelson
Are children of clowns scared of people who don't have their faces painted?
—R. Nelson
Do Cannibals think that clowns taste funny?
—R. Nelson
When will the rhetorical questions end?
—Ross
If you choke a smurf what color does it turn?
—MYC
